"Fictitious fawn"

The true self?

2012-01-03T02:20:00.001-08:00

Digging deep to understand, Was it me or was it then?

Calling upon from a distance ,
Seeking the perfect stance,
May be, or most definitely taking a chance.
For all you know it was in that trance.
Just the perfect stance for trance.

Sense & Sarcasm

2011-07-18T13:38:00.000-07:00

I am so glad that my long lost best friends,sense and sarcasm are both on their way to meet me after aeons. Excitement fills the air around me.We shall hang by the best of places and do the craziest of things.

*Happy dance*

One+One = Two

2011-07-17T08:47:00.000-07:00

So that makes it two of them. Regrets overpowering my sense of self-ness.

My sincere sworn oath to just withdraw from a fuck all puddle of disasters.

Let there be more peace that will follow as i jog on!

Nevermore

2011-06-19T00:49:00.002-07:00

The same ol' thought keeps ringing in my head.
'My gift of self is raped' & 'I feel better dead.'

It feels way too hollow to know that u are a speck of dirt around everywhere. So, why be a burden to mother earth? I really want to be gone forever!

Hatred multiplies

2011-06-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

Finally all the affection coupled with the right amount of anger breeds hatred. How the hatred increases exponentially with time is unbelievable. Long live hatred!!:)

*Pats her own back and walks away*
~'Love only yourfuckingself, no-other dumbfuckmoron is worth your love.'

Down where i was

2011-06-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

Forethought drowned me in fear and panic. The sudden twist creaked in its own way. Where did i faulter and why was it me again? Confusion and complication are two things that make me sick till my stomach.

Were they all pretending to be this friggin' bunch of sugar coated candies?But, why the fuck? Being yourself and letting the true self surface well in advance will always save everyone some grace.

All the true-friggin'-lies helped me rediscover myself. Probably, i should just appreciate the sequence of events with a nod and with a happy smile. *Nods and smiles followed by a 'thank you,Pretentious-buds'

~~Time for a confession~~
I absolutely love Alice in chains, the album "jar of flies" in particular resurrects me.

Big empty

2011-05-29T22:08:00.001-07:00

I can friggin' relate to this song by stone temple pilots called big empty.:)

Quivers run down my spine

2011-04-11T11:24:00.000-07:00

Its absolutely strange when those quivers run down your spine. Weird-ness,empti-ness and all the strangest-ness-es that exist follow suit thereafter. Never did i want to be in such a phase ever. Crossing my fingers and hoping that probably if i leave this place i will attain "TRUE NIRVANA". Not just saying the final adieus and appreciating the smiley farewells but leaving it behind to start the freshest chapter of a new life to be found. I know for sure that the day isn't too far away but the wait is killing me inside out.

Let not the world conspire against me this time round. I trust only myself to run sooner than begone.

Claustrophobic

2011-04-07T01:06:00.000-07:00

Difference of opinions and narrow minded thoughts. I wanna get the fuck out of here before i start hating everything around me. As much as i love staying here i want to leave in the vested interest of the peace of mind that will be disturbed. N so i take the plunge into the first step.

Thoughts wheel punctured

2011-03-19T02:47:00.000-07:00

They sure are perpetually punctured in my case. But why o' why? Questions unanswered, Unexplainable gestures and Innocence foregone.

2011-03-19T02:27:00.000-07:00

How often do u hate yourself? May be all the time.

Why are you so impulsive ? Well, no one is perfect.It is my biggest weakness really.

What were you thinking man? Fuck, i stop thinking and act dumb at certain times.

Day in the life of utter embarassment

2011-03-19T01:20:00.000-07:00

A day in the life of utter embarassment.

Don't make a monkey out of a monkey, Jackass.:)

Liquidy day!!:)

2011-03-02T10:05:00.000-08:00

Frescato to lime mint to coke to Breezer. Now, isn't that called a liquid diet day?

:)

2011-01-18T08:55:00.000-08:00

Certain things in life are like playing a game of poker with the cards open.

Right now

2011-01-06T09:54:00.000-08:00

Right now, i so want to play a game of scrabble and sip on a hot cup of tea with lots of tob sticks to make it one of those days that i have been longing for.

Just the day

2010-12-27T09:30:00.000-08:00

Many a times, I dig into my past and unearth moments subconsciously. Moments that are pleasantly pleasing and those that are not. Probably today is one such day that makes me wanna wish for some crazy ass magical powers to erase the not so pleasing ones from memory and start afresh.

Life is strange

2010-12-23T09:04:00.000-08:00

It just is. What is? Life is strange. How things have changed over the years. The everlasting surprises. Happy times and sad cries, bundled together with a whole new dimension. Juvenile days to an overgrown youth. Life and the never ending friggin surprises.

Anxiousness

2010-11-03T00:56:00.000-07:00

O' trouble me not my lovely friend.I promise i will shower you with tons of dark chocolates. :D

Dreams

2010-11-03T00:54:00.000-07:00

Without Faith, Without Hope ..

White wash

2010-05-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

Swish a wash, crispy moss,
Random irrelevant thoughts,
Circles back to the criss cross,
Pause there and turn around.. :)

Nostalgia takes over me

2010-05-09T17:21:00.000-07:00

I so want to go back in time and relive those days.

2010-04-19T08:23:00.000-07:00

Somethings taking all over me.
But what the hell is this something?

Life, just as is.

2010-04-17T18:37:00.000-07:00

Living alone in a place where i thought i did belong. But then now it feels that i can't live like this. I question myself to know if this feeling is real.I turn to look around but i just don't see anyone i want. Fragments of thyself flashing away and that shimmering light makes me wanna fight.
How long will i have to hold on?

Confusion overpowers

2010-04-08T21:10:00.000-07:00

I fail to understand my own state of mind.
Thoughts that run at the speed of light and just don't wanna fade away. Tryin' to read what's on your mind just doesn't seem to help in anyway. Confusion just seems to dominate and so i sway this way!

What was meant to be?

2010-04-04T19:06:00.000-07:00

Treading down the memory lane,

Jugglin' through those heavy thoughts,

At the end of it, i hope to be sane,

Brazing through the myriad of petty blots!

*Raises her pierced brow n walks away*

Fucking-frustrated

2010-02-21T01:08:00.000-08:00

To the creepiest of the creeps i have ever known- All of us have one of the greatest gift of time if only it was put to some good use. What do u think the greatest gift is? Happy figuring it out. You would have been a whole lot mature and thoughtful. Most of them lack something that is suppose to be common - freaking common sense - well, this might come as an insult but then you lack it too. More often than not i think it is merely cause of the ethanol that runs in your blood. If only drinking alcohol would make people rich you would have been the richest. I could just go on with a lot of negative points but then i think i will stop for reasons that i don't wanna highlight.

Frequency Mismatch!!
P.S: I hate myself for having forgiven you for so long and i don't wanna hate myself anymore.
*Get the !@#$ out of here*

Bleh

2009-12-30T09:34:00.000-08:00

Wonder why we are here,
Don't see a purpose whatsoever,
Momentary happiness sucks,
someone help me escape from the state of mind.

WYSIWYG

2009-12-29T00:22:00.000-08:00

Back on the trip. Crappy mood swings. fuming thoughts. Where are the anger vents?

Vixen,Where art thou?

2009-12-29T00:19:00.000-08:00

Why is it that i know only a handful of vixens?Where are all the sensible vixens?
O' Vixens, where would thou be?
And so, i set out hunting for some vixens. :)

Music.

2009-12-26T21:32:00.000-08:00

Music, has always been my perfect resurrector.

Confusion Prevails!

2009-10-16T22:39:00.000-07:00

Which is gonna be the best super fun filled party?

A girls night out or the barbeque party or the cricket match?

I vouched for a girls night out n yeah so it was.

Patience for a dime

2009-09-26T22:01:00.000-07:00

How i wish i could buy patience at a market. The circumstances and people around me have been the sole cause of having destroyed my pateince. Oh wait, why do i blame the people around me? Probably, i have just lost it on my own.

Is anybody willing to sell some patience? I would buy it for a dime!

Vengeance

2009-09-13T03:07:00.000-07:00

Another pseudo ass to the list.
Trying to conceal one's self under the innocent belt. Their guilt blossoms and multiplies uncontrollably.Complications is what they termed it when they fail to understand their actions or doings.

The vengeance builds on.. Hopefully, i don't cross paths with such pretentious fools ever again!

Unexpected joy!

2009-08-27T20:13:00.000-07:00

Oh hell yeah, i got promoted.

I wait to reap the results of my promotion!:)

Gestures

2009-08-03T23:39:00.000-07:00

How do i interpret my facial gestures right now? Especially when it's a perfect combination of happiness & sadness.

Lazy-active duo!

2009-08-02T04:58:00.001-07:00

I like it cause my lazy self likes it but i don't like it casue my active self hates it.

Get wasted the previous night. ( mind you on some food unlike the other liquids that you would love to get wasted on)
Unleash your unusual self by waking up early ( What the f%^&, i am not a morning person)
Wait for the sun to set on the sunday to have your beauty shower. (I do feel like a princess at times all right)
Think you are wide awake while you are snoring on the couch just cause your sub-conscious mind is yearning to continue reading. ( I swear i wouldn't have wasted my time indulging in unwanted activities)

Futile attempt to unleash my true self.

My dose of Caffeine

2009-07-25T09:21:00.000-07:00

The caffeine effects are erratic. I enjoy it, but i don't enjoy it too. Where the hell is my dose of legal psychoactive substance, caffeine, now?

Silence

2009-06-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

Why do i think that silence and darkness are gonna be my only friends?

Afar..

2008-12-01T01:40:00.000-08:00

From afar i saw the little thought with fear and anxiety tagged along. I wondered all along what was it that went wrong. Trying to erase and bury the lil' hems was it the stupid me again? Annoying echoes of that noise hope i haven't lost my voice. Murmuring to the soul within , losing sight of the innocent face. Let me be, O' Let me be.. My only urge is "You must hop on".

Hugger-Mugger!

2008-09-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

WTF?

2008-07-29T10:47:00.000-07:00

How do i preserve the random thoughts that wanna vaporize?

Reclusiveness

2008-07-25T10:18:00.000-07:00

Apeksha longs for reclusiveness as she is sick and tired of this pseudo world.

Strange Feelings

2008-07-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

I feel supremely strange (period)

Blissful Day?

2008-05-14T03:04:00.000-07:00

Factors that made it a blissful day:

Iced Tea
Cigarettes
Music
Novel

2008-05-13T21:05:00.001-07:00

Right now, I am swaying to the musical thoughts that reign over me.

Cravings

2008-05-07T22:46:00.000-07:00

Happiness, wouldn't you wanna haunt me sometime?

Anti-Anger pill ?

2008-05-07T22:22:00.000-07:00

The anger that never fails to surround the agitated man. The abreactions that outpour. If only we could nip the anger in the bud.The disastrous intentions would never arise.

Isn't there an anti-anger pill or something to kill the anger before it sprouts?

2008-05-06T00:49:00.000-07:00

Fried prawns

Friend pawns

Ounces of trail

2008-04-23T00:12:00.000-07:00

Magical notions,
Thirsty successions,
Undivided passion,
Bury those unhealthy intuitions.
Subtle intentions,
Nurture those mentations,
Petty convolutions,
Mystical intrusions,
Evident citations,
Thought station, We are here to stay.

Dearth Of Inspiration

2008-04-17T02:12:00.000-07:00

There is no refreshing change to the life-style and the dearth of inspiration inhibits you to ramble on.
O' Change, Where would thou be?
Do drop by to add some pigment to my thoughts.

2008-04-04T02:20:00.000-07:00

Sleepy, Sleepy, Sleepy...

How do i put the sleepy feeling to sleep?

Blurts

2008-04-03T00:18:00.000-07:00

Gratifying the pangs of desires,
Tit bits of ashes,
Blindfolding the traces,
Single path to tread,
I wanna be dead "in the head".

Lil' twists make me merry! :)
But why are they so rare?
Swaying to the silence of the mare,
Oops,I am so dead.(Echoes "In my head")

"Incoherent" *Phew*

Graffiti

2008-01-06T05:12:00.000-08:00

Graffiti on all the four walls which is the best of em all? Crude as they will always be. I am looking for some thoughts to resurrect me.

Coercive & bland!

2007-05-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

Well, i am so sure no one can ever guess what i am referring to here.If u did, all i can do is appreciate it.Besides, when the roller coaster ride has to come to an end no matter what ever shite happens it friggin needs to end.Yes,those overwhelming things are bland.

Oozing anger,Irrelevant comments,The new moronic name,Broken ego,Petrified feelings,Hatred against those imposters , so called possesiveness and wan are coercive?

Conflated feelings!

2007-01-25T23:05:00.000-08:00

Well,there is nothing much that i can write about!It is practically unexplainable.Is it that only i feel this way?or Is it the flavour of the world?Whatever be it! Disgusts me! It more or less appears like the interest seems to fade away.I really really feel so insignificant!N the over head tank overflowing ... is there a way out of here? U r not suppose to disturb the serenity and calmness of the night! In the twilight of the merged feeling u comfort yourself cause somewhere deep inside u know that everything is just all right.I am hesitant to just pen down everythin that is running on my mind! When will the thoughts chained to this kinda feeling vapourize?

A punctuation mark eh?

2006-10-01T02:55:00.000-07:00

This is the only place where i could talk to myself for long hours.Dwell on the same ol' for however long i want n not be guilty of having bored someone with my crap. Alright, gettin straight to the god damn thought in ma head.Is it better for somethings to fade away eventually or just come to a full stop this very min?If only i could decide.Feels like i am back on one those days where i loved to be all alone in my room with only 'Music'. Why does it so happen that someone else is keeping an eye on what is happening in my god damn life. I can't let this go on for a second more. Its all about a punctuation mark which would make me feel different huh?

Bare thoughts

2006-09-29T01:41:00.000-07:00

Ohhhh my god! Boredom has started haunting me again. Well, wonder why .. but this feeling of just wasting time with nothin really substantial to do is killin me. Seven long hours spent @ this place but at the end of it just an hour of useful learning. Well, i don't wanna be surrounded with boredom .. it seems to be fond of me way too much. E-learning is straining my god damn eyes.. there is nothin else i can do apart from that here.There is no music to resurrect me. How do people manage to sit idle for hours together? But i just can't. It has been a long time here n it feels good i must say.
I neeeeed some fucking change!

Let this be just as abrupt as it is.

MomEnts.

2006-04-06T01:50:00.000-07:00

Meagre moments or Scanty moments or shredded moments,they do have their values.Now,don't they?The innumerable questions which literally conquer one's peace of mind during introspection while in solitude.Introspection during solitude is something that very precisely invokes the true self in you eh?My priorities that have changed n the thought that haunts me knowingly or unknowingly. Er... er.. i er my way through coz i have no clue wat is happening to me this very min.Strange feeling of nearly killing my true self buried deep inside.

However incomplete this is.I m unable to think n write something.

Jar of thoughts.

2006-01-23T00:03:00.000-08:00

Jar of thoughts to jar of flies.One of my fav albums by Alice in Chains.Each song n it bites which is a soothin feeling of some people in my life.Hell, wat do i say,Incredible!!Unlike the fact the flies would break free if the jar was opened.But the thoughts that come crawling into my mind takes a very very long time to bid adieu.Rather the flies start breeding in the jar.*smirks*
Like the line from Rotten Apple says innocence is over.Very apt.The very next song viz Nutshell reminds me of S.Seriously,seems so custom made particularly the line ".... and yet i fight,and yet i fight, no one to cry to,no place to call home."Thanx to I Stay Away :"... Yeah,hey yeah,tears that soak the callous hearts."I stay away, i stay away, i stay away .... just fades away.The next song No Excuses reminds me of L.No clue why,since the first time i have heard it,there is an imprint on my mass of grey cells.The best line is when Layne sings"Fine me sittin' by myself no excuses and i know."Swing on this, is one of those songs which reminds me of family n my other best of pals.Thank you people! I ofcourse do know how much all of ya care for me.*Big hug**muahzz*.One of the few songs which i really really love is Dont follow.Love it! Love it absolutely!!It kinda lightens my dark spirits.Freshnes me up like the sone Everlasting Flame by Kreator.The winamp has to just play these songs n i have shut my oculuses away to this illusive thought free world.Love it!!
"Say goodbye don't follow
Miseries so hollow"

"Say goodbye don't follow"

Grunge (as in the the genre of music)trip is an uncanny one.Quite diametrical to the heavy metal music trip.(headbanging trip is kickass too)

The Orphic feel seems to titilate.

Stupid,dumb,iritated,bored........

2006-01-09T04:23:00.000-08:00

An assortment of feelings i seriously am fed up of life already.20 yrs has been a really long time.I have lived too long. I M TIRED. My holidays have just begun n things never go my way.NEVER NEVER EVER! What is interesting in life?? Monotonous mundane days.Music n net ve become just as boring.People around me seem so pseudo.I ve started losing my life. How long .... how long?
Sometimes i feel like i ve no one with me.I thought i liked it rather just love that feel.I dont wanna feel this thing, take me far away.
I stumble on my thoughts but my spirits fade away. Everything seems so dark like they will never rise again.Anywayz, hell with all that!
I shall get back to sphere.

Ciao!

rejoicing!!

2006-01-05T19:52:00.000-08:00

Yay!!
I'm done with my 5th sem exams.The labs are over i got the output in MuP lab too.So, there goes a euphoric scream! " "
Wat would i do after exams?Binge it is huh?Henceforth,i was at Styx last day.It was a beery night!!
My cravings for all these supplemented highs ve submerged.Wonder why? I am so so so looking for forward for an holiday with the family.I will be back drumming from monday.A nice trip,i love it!Hope the holidays resurge me.Well, i shall be assertive there,they WILL.A long list of novels to catch up with.Guess, shall start right away.Will be starting off with Michael Crichton:Sphere.

Sayonara!!

*sigh of relief

2006-01-02T06:07:00.000-08:00

*Sigh *sigh!!

RELIEVED!!!The feeling uplifts yer spirits. Feel quite rejuvenated.Well, bet anyone who finishs off with their engineering exams would feel the same.Analog communictaion systems with part a full of amplitude modulation questions n part b full of frequency modulation.Having finished with the 'tronics theory papers is like shedding half the burden over u.6 theory papers to just suck the spirits n interest of life.Feels good!! I'm on a natural high today.I need no supplements to trip on:-).That is quite appreciated.I love talking to myself.U call me insane i give a f#$% bout it.I ve my last lab to wind up with this sem its the MuP lab.Hopefully,for a change luck is on my side n i get the output.It was nice talking to Shwetha after long time.2hrs moved away with the traffic at the KR Circle junction.The happiness of having a friend who listens to you n you listen to completely different.Life and its moments makes me smile for its unusualness.All these relationships my friends get into n realize at the end of it not worth at all.
People (read some gals )are really thick n rusted up there,their relationship would be just budding n they dream BIG of landing up with that guy .Pre-school dumb f***s is the appropriate word.They can't get real n practical in life.Oh ! my wat do they take me for some kinda suggestion machine.Priti at last has realised that suggestions can't be decisions.It's bout time she realised she sets her priorities right.Sheesh!Her life i shall never make the mistake of saying a god damn word pertaining to watever it may be .Live it the way u wanna live gal.Spare me from all the shite!!*phew

Moments treasured n thoughts preserved for the night ahead.
Happy n funfilled '06 to ya'll!
Apeksha.

second paper

2005-12-22T12:17:00.000-08:00

Ah,done with my second paper viz PSP.Wasn't as bad as i picturized it would be.Literally got screwed with part B.Just couldn't remember shite of whatever i had learnt last day.Why on god foresaken planet do we ve to study bout fuck all random process?
"SUXXXXX".Looking forward to get a decent 60 in this paper.
Quite glad that i m done with 2 papers only 4 more to go.Hurrah!The next paper we ve is N&L:Networks and Lines.Hoping to make up for all the marks i might probably lose in other subjects.A month long vacation after exams n back to life with usual routine.Life is like well balanced beam with both good n bad "equally" balanced.

Hell, trying really really hard to get over ma habit of talking over phone for hours together.Though it has come down exponentially, there are days when it lasts for more than 2hrs.(Bad bad very bad)Quite worried bout ma aunt, wishing her speedy recovery. Haven't seen my mum in 2 weeks now.Miss ya mommie.
There are few people whom i just can't live without. Love ya'll!!
Gotta get my arse outta here!!
Swish....

Spilled cerebration

2005-12-12T00:49:00.000-08:00

Feelings or emotions, they seem so pseudo n dead to me these days.I think they are not worth being valued.People know how to fake around very well.Is it true always?
A circle of knotted questions.Trying to seek help around but aint happening.My brain is filled with unanswered thoughts.Feels disgusting to the core.
Hell, its better to leave that there n move on.

Just started studying for my exams which are gonna start from next tuesday.Hopefully, i maintain the 70% aggregate.
Its time i listen to a song that would resurrect me.Which one is it?For now its "Return to serenity" by Testament.
I'm so alone,
my head's my home,
I'll return to serenity.
The next song is "Everlasting flame" by Kreator.

Go to sleep

2005-12-12T00:35:00.000-08:00

That's the song which is being played over n over again.Well, obviously its the way i feel now.
Especially, the first few lines which go like this:

Something for the rag and the bone man,
"over my dead body"
Something big is gonna happen ,
"over my dead body"
.......

I'm gonna go to sleep n let this wash all over me.

Bitch!

2005-12-08T04:45:00.001-08:00

I just happened to write one of my best posts and bloody net acted up! So be it. Guess i need to get the fuck outta here!!

Shattered plans:-(

2005-11-30T02:19:00.001-08:00

Hell, all my plans for new years ve been shattered. I finish my exams only on 2nd jan.Sob Sob!!
Life is such a bitch at times. DAMN!

Hell, HELL! just makes me scream in different tones!! Watz happened to the world today!

(((((((((((Hell_)))))))))

echoes!! n then fades away.

The Perfect Drug

2005-10-25T06:38:00.000-07:00

i m infested with boredom!!! absolutely, nothing to do. Not to forget infested with boredom and garnished with laziness!! hell, so i just sit back n blog.

Is chatting or blogging a perfect drug ??

Memento!!

2005-10-24T23:07:00.000-07:00

SOME MEMORIES ARE BEST FORGOTTEN!!

Yes, here i am talking bout the movie called memento. Hell, i love it !!It is a movie which makes u think its running backwards when it is not. I would not mind watching this movie over n over again. And this line from the movie by Leonard is quite impressive and so i quote ...

"We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. I am no different."
for that matter so many lines make u actually pause for a minute and reflect back on them . Here are a few more tat i really liked.
"Memory can change the shape of a room, it can change the colour of the car. And memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're a record and they're irrelevant if you have the facts"

I could just go on with my few fav lines but it is for you to watch the movie n get a feel of it.

The world doesn't disappear when you close your eyes, does it??

Apparently, i am trying to picturize myself with KORSAKOFF'S PSYCHOSIS ?!!

groggy sunday.

2005-10-23T01:23:00.000-07:00

squeak! squeak! it was my phone again. After reading the message i smirked !This is wat the message read like," A&P class from 10 to 1. followed by EMI class from 1.30 to 3.30." The best college i have ever come across! It fucking hell rules!! muttered it to myself and cuddled up . Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!

'Morning! i was finally awake. feels like i have been injected with a drug called laziness. I will be leaving to pondy on wednesday night, i m so so so excited?? am i? oh!! yes! i wanna pick a lot of junk jewellery!whoopie! yippie!
Well, wonder why i have been thinking about mescaline. I read this book by Aldous Huxley called "The Doors Of Perception".Would wanna try mescaline under supervision as an experience :-).
"Five Point Someone" is a nice book. I have been listening to silverchair,pearl jam, radiohead, opeth and stp. On a weird trip these days. Hell, quite difficult to digest it myself i have started watching weird movies. A few of my favourite movies are
1.Lock,stock and two smoking barrels
2.Fear and loathing in las vegas
3.Trainspotting
4.Requiem for a dream
5.Fight club
6.Pulp Fiction
7.Snatch
I shall update this list soon!
i will go hush for sometime. Hope to be back rejuvenated.
Trust me , this is the groggiest sunday i have ever had. Feel like a stupefied lump of flesh.
is it the uncanny senses lingering for tooo long? should i start drumming for poisonous blondes oops sorry cyanide angels? or may be just wait up for 6 more months.
i m too bored with this self-contemplation shite!
come on keep talking cause its true!!
Time i chew over electronics now!
chomp chomp !! :-) *apeksha giggles at herself n goes away.

yet,another one.

2005-08-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

where do i start?how do i begin?so much fills me from deep within."FRIENDS"are they really worth or do they really really deserve?I wud wanna stay all locked for ages n ages, just down with a pen n a notebook writing till i am out of thoughts and words.

i wanna write loads today,but the tears trickle down and blur my sight,deviate my thoughts! wondering.... er! er!
what is it ? tat wud bring a smile back on my face now?
What is a feeling?i ask myself, i have never found an answer n never will.

i give up,tears are sheltering me every min now! so will get back to this soon.
mojo?

ChArm

2005-08-17T00:49:00.000-07:00

Feelings decay,
My tears burn the day,
Nightmares wanna stay since the time i have been betrayed.

Serene and calm,
Everything seems to harm,
Tumbled and dry,
Have i been cursed by a charm?

"ME"

2005-08-17T00:38:00.000-07:00

Memories potray,
y am i a prey?

I see myself as a statue of clay,
My words are all grey,

The wheels on the path,
fingering my thoughts,

A sick weasle i seem,
embossing the theme,

to realize i am just another "me".

sunday jam!

2005-08-09T23:38:00.000-07:00

A long ride down to st.johns amphitheatre. all so excited to see the bands play! i was expecting to see shakil bald, damn! i got fooled! The show started off with "FINAL STROKE" eh?rather it was the first stroke for the evening.
then we had "ZONAM" and "WAX",an upcoming college band! with a group of people of the same clan.*sigh*"SpITFIRE"just heard their soundcheck, was it show me how to live?yep! guys need to get practicing little more.hmmm.. Ah! "PARADIGM SHIFT" first glance n u wud see think its a bunch of oldies. must confess, nice feel of retro! i dare not forget Ashish , a perfect paradigm as an upcoming kid drummer.
All the way from manipal , "WISP" , their drummer has the potential ! has played for a Boston band! wow! neat! how can i forget their bassist shack! i appreciate these guys for their courage! they are playing together after 3 months without a single practice n directly on stage! They know their music!
After them was a band called "SPIT"! their vocalists voice is raw magic! god gifted vocals! neat! neat! They just played like 2 acoustic songs for the evening!
"SYNAPSE", it was a 4 piece act today! the vocalist is always roaring with energy n his over excitement rarely fades. The drummer kicks ass!leave me out is one of the songs tat they played.
"LOUNGE PIRANHA", kamal gets everyone's glimpse around! need i say more?their quality of music is good! they will soon be among the best of bands in town. good going guys!
" 'ASH" , the only other band which was not from the city.Noel is quite a star!experienced members, cheers to them! did i hear someone from the crowd yell veterans? ssssshhhh!
"QUASAR" they are out to record for their 2nd album! hmmmm, they are good! they sang a song written by the youngest member of their band!
i went out to grab something to eat , so i know not what happened in between!
but when i came back , i heard "INFINITE DREAMS" , the slayer cover was good! gets the crowd headbanging, must appreciate tat! then it faded out with some finite screams!
Ms,Dawn! only lady for the evening! her vocals are soothing n her strumming is smooth! yeah, the lady is off to hyderabad , i got this info from her! i bumped into her on mg's !
i left while she was singing! it was nice meeting shack! n i m in love with his song ! his vocals are good!
he will make it big someday! he sure will! cheers to him! good luck for that dude!
i waiting eagerly for freedom jam! hope its fun n exciting! ..... the road show is gonna start tomo!:-)

splash! splash! time for a shower! cya around!

another one?

2005-07-29T09:29:00.000-07:00

this is bout another pal!

15 long years,
how retentive they may seem,
things being too clear,
there goes a cheer scream.

having beem together
in the naughtiest of deeds,
i dare not forget
the creepiest of all dreams,
walking or jogging through
best of our memories,
who remembers the
hot ! hot! steaming cakes.

kiddish or childish,
she has always been,
sentimental or emotional,
ofcourse,as a teen.

over friendly at times,
quite a social butterfly,
thoughts that chime,
if it wasnt for the scary fly.

a smile followed by a giggle,
she loves to fiddle,
talks that drizzle,
fun times r worth the dribble.

sulabh or jade gardens,
laughs invade,
so many stupid things,
thus,my thoughts fade.

a long one ! i confess ! quite true by itself!

yeah?

2005-07-29T00:19:00.000-07:00

right! a poem i wrote on one of my friend's , i still have to write for loads of them! but i m so occupied these days!

anywayz here it goes,

Right after me on the rolls,
we stumbled upon each other,
talk about the calls ,
that last for hours together.

those laughs that cheer,
which override the fear,
our comments u must hear,
they dont much shear.

Rose princess, she is called ,
what bout her love saga?
karaoke queen , she is crowned,
does she still go gaga?

abiding and friendly,
a gumball of laughter,
caring and lively,
i enjoy being with her.!

thatz one of my friend's called arpitha! and ask me , what made me write it ?
yeah, the other day i was talking to her n had started with one sober poem, i just gave it a shot n it aint all that bad!
so i pat myself! tap! tap!
cheers! rock on !

pyjama party

2005-07-15T04:39:00.000-07:00

Dressed in excitement,
loaded with happiness,
embarked the talks,
vacuumed in laughter,
rolled with pleasure,
poked the tears,
and punched the fears,
we giggled and danced!

mass suicidal bird brains

2005-07-15T01:11:00.000-07:00

if only someone could help me with an antilaughter jab.
ok, now the name of the game shakil came up with mass suicidal bird brains! awesome name , ha ha ha ha ha! its a simple game , whoever is willing to participate gets to hang on to a live wire for 5 mins and in this rainy season! the one who survives gets to treat himself. ha ha ha ha ha ! the rules of the game is quite interesting , one of them being that the one who backs off treats the rest of them with a mug of beer. and yes ofcourse we will be having a reliable proclaimed quality ladder! ha ha ha ha ha! the name MSBB sounds like dyslexic school of thought for fucked up doctors ... does it?

yeah?

2005-07-10T10:48:00.000-07:00

if i m not happy even after my exams then i m not a homosapien!
so am i one ?ah,crap!

yahoooo! i m quite happy today! i have all the time in the world for me , myself n apeksha! sleep for hrs together aint the weather so cozy to snuggle up? yes, yes very much !
then listen to music all day long ! laze around at home. play around with time ,poke it , pinch it ,tickle it , mince it, slice it n on n on!
i swear by the blood n flesh, it sure feels nice!
i m all so excited bout this reunion with my Pu pals, i m looking forward to it! yes, i m !
and we will be celebrating 2 birthdayz together, wat a blast!
i get online, but no one to talk to , how boring ! i dont feel like reading anything either.
i dont really understand junkies, especially shakil, weird , wicked,whacky,..... no adjectives in my vocab for him! yet, i find him interesting? y ?
i hate these kinda lame questions which mushroom suddenly i dont have an answer for them.
anywayz, all the thrash aside ! i m beginning to enjoy my vacations!
i m craving to spend some sexy time with nature, the trek is one of the best thing i can think of !
i m feeling so empty, wonder y ? i m quite happy with the way things r going .
cool! things r going good! let it sail smooth for a while to bring back the vigour in me to move every inch !
i feel like playing around with colours ,i wanna go back to kindergarten., i wanna scream out aloud!

hey....................h.......e...........y............................................. fade out!

sob sob :((

2005-07-07T04:52:00.000-07:00

feeling really low,
i have nowhere to go,
i just wanna know,
y only my ego?
i scribble with anger ,
tremble with pain ,
but y?
hope is rusting ,
patience aint helping ,
fear is creeping,
pain is biting ,

i m still waiting.......

longest wait!

2005-06-25T08:18:00.000-07:00

feels like the longest wait. one more freaking week to finish off with my exams.and then , wat? long list of things to do ... really long ..........
i wudnt wanna list them out coz just in case even one doesnt fall in place then i will feel sick till my stomach!
but firstly, since i finish my exam on a saturday, i m gonna get sloshed and ofcourse spend my evening at styx!
styx rulez! yes,it does. missin it sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo muuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccchhhhhhh! and wont be fair on my part if i dont think of the place where my love for rock n metal started ,missing haze tooo! but not as much!

and secondly, i plan to go trekkin,with a couple of interesting like minded pals,want it to be an whackily adventurous one! if everyone backs off .. i m simply gonna turn around say "get a life bytchs!get a LIFE"
If at all they come up with cheeky reasons like my mum n dad r against it.i wud say "the 20 yrs u have been with yer folks u still can convince them,then never will u !"
and so BALLS TO INSIPID CREATURES! Might sound rude, but been highly patient so far!coz it aint the 1st time,no 2 nd time?... nah.. 10th? ....nooo .... if only i had a count of them!
offlate,wonder wat has got onto me,i chant curses to my pillow? yes, the pillow? a thing which so soft n cuddly ,tat gives me a soothing sleep as soon as i lay my head on it! ....... why am i chanting curses to a THING ? am i frustrated with something? but wat?...... er...... er.........i m at a loss for words! irony still prevails after all that i sleep like a wild boar!he he he ..... am i insane? AM i insane?or am i DRUNK?
life is colourless yet so colourful,i m am so normal yet so insane.

thanx to my grey cells which seem to be making haphazard transitions!
beeep blur!! my grey cells need some lubricating oil,so i m off to answer their call! such a gadget ... muhahahaha!

digital::life

2005-06-14T07:25:00.000-07:00

i took some time off today to retrospect.

I solely credit this to the influence of digital as a subject which has captured my interest partially.
life can be plotted on the K map!
The happy times r the 1's and sad one's 0. And ofcourse how can u forget the dont care terms do come into the picture . "there are some dont care people too"
ofcourse there r hazards like in the circuits viz all the 3 kinds static , dynamic and essential . Well as of now i m clueless bout the essential ones. sometimes life gets stuck at 0. very rarely its stuck at 1.In the circuits the faults can be diagonized and corrected......well, wat bout life?can it be ?

but it remains a SCAR!!

untitled

2005-06-13T04:48:00.000-07:00

well,who doesnt like humour? all of us appreciate humour. Just that the take on humour from each ones perspective is different.
humour according to me is like morphine except for the fact that it has to be extracted from within u!

If only humour cud be bought at the chemists as syrups or tabs,i wud not have to go around lookin for antiboredom pills!
Squeeze every ounce of humour when u get the chance to !!

if only u stumble upon a soul who is dead against humour i wud really wanna get to the roots of the fact.

sulabh!!:-)

2005-06-07T05:29:00.000-07:00

once upon a time,ages ago not so long ago .... let me trim the thrash!! well,yes!! may 17th,05 tuesday.all so excited about one of the guitar gods gonna be playing in our town the same evening.Fragrance of excitement descending into the top layers of the earth. After my drumming classes , around 6.30 -7.00 i rode down to palace grounds.Meanwhile, take a look at the scenario at my friend priti's place. They wanna go out that evening as in priti n her guy , so the best reason she could come up with to tell her mum ,was that she was accompanying me to the JOE SATRIANI show. No big deal!! lets move on. Things sailed smooth, she got out of home and she is off to a lounge bar. Joe sat's show n lounge bar !! miles ... miles apart. yet!! never mind. She was quite chicken scared so she kept calling me every half an hour, the fear that her mum wud call me n ask for her. wat would i have to do then?? 15 yrs of trust her mum has all washed away in matter of just 2 freaking expensive secs.Well,y pull me into the whole crap!! fish!!
anywayz i got out of there only at the end of the show. i was late so had to go through the old yet evergreen stream of shoutings.the other face of the story, my pal is almost done with her outing n now tat she has to get out of her party attire guess wat she does?? quite hilarious, walks into "SULABH" toilets as she calls them n changes into her nightwear. All to evade the questions she wud have to anwer put forth to her by my folks. When she lands at my door gate, she finds it locked and since she is in a skirt how wud she jump over??? how?? (ha ha ha ha ha ha ).
Irony prevails after having visited the best lounge bar around , imagine walking into a sulabh to just change into nightwear to evade questions if not answered convincingly wud have locked at home for dayz!!(ha ha ha ha)
yet, my pal sincerely thanks people involved behind having sulabh's all across the city ;-)

jAdE gArDeNs

2005-03-07T21:51:00.000-08:00

chirp!! chirp!! ....... i was up at 5.30 . blimey !! i m surprised myself . i was staying over at ma friend pritis place ... and we had been bakin cakes the previous night .. and i was bumped out for the day but still crashed at say bout 2.30 and put yerself in ma shoes and imagine just 3 hrs of slumber .. feelin sorry for ma self ... (he he he he)well i got back home at bout 6 ... then the usual routine of morning jog .. but i was such a lazy butt tat day just went for 25 mins of walk . Then wanted to hit the bed but didnt feel like it so started listening to dreamtheater .... man i kinda just love the band .. 2 of ma fav albums scenes from memory and falling into infinity . was trying some riffs. TICK TOCK .... the clock struck 10 ... rushed for a shower ... in a hustle n bustle ripped to coll .... The class had started at 11 . but i was half an hr late .... maths class afterall the lecturer is very sweet kinds (* dirty minds ... i havent tatsted him ... he is not the rudey pooh like the others is wat i meant and since no adjective struck me i used sweet ... watever *)i was sittin in "1 st bench " i cant sink it in . Started to jot down some numericals on ma scribbling pad .. got a stare from ma sir .. i smiled back :-). The class was almost over ... ma cell started squealin ... ..... from there drove down to this place called NASA ... i swear i hate tat place ... the yucky music .. atleast i dont like the kinda music the play .. rap ,pop,n hip hop.. just for the LOSERS "L" ....well the beer , sad music n the lack of sleep was acting up finally .. i wanted to zoom back home and jump into bed ... but by the time i got back it was 6 .tring!! tring!! y on god damn earth do i have this fuckin cell .????(GRRRRRRR!!!! gets irritating at times) ..no doubt helps u get over boredom rarely .Call to go to a farm house party .... i was not in for ny party tat night atleast , sleep was on the top of the things to do tho it was a saturday evening . I was trying to evade the party .. but ma pals compelled me to join them .... so landed up goin . We drove down to the place at 9.30 .... no clue where exactly it is ....but very vaguely ... close to the ITC factory .. and ya on NH7 ... if i aint worng club cabbana ... is also in the vicinity ... but this farm house is called JADE GARDENS ... a very pleasant place to chill out . (*winkie:best place to smoke up .... *)
started with a vodka session this time ... drank till bout 3 i guess not quite sure ... ma friend got sloshed and had to take her places and was like a prop to a lame man .. ya one of ma best pals so cud not let her walk like a zombie into dark scary places ... big deal it was dark but the fear of snakes man ... hiss!!! not when u r away from the city limits n one being responsible for the other . .... i was tipsy or squiffy ir wateva ... was aware of wat was happening around but cud not walk straight ... and i sat all by ma self listening to music .this pal of mine didnt sleep the whole night .. wonder how she cud stay up ... .. she woke me up at 6 ... damn!! i wanted to sleep ... by the time we got out of that place it was 7.30 .... back at home by 8.30 ....errrrr ... wat after tat??? pretty hazy around .... ohhh yah ... bout the hang over in the next post.....(PS: Sorry cant avoid using some of the words which no one can stumble upon in a dictionary ... n forgive the grammatical errors as i have forgotten english .. gotta start off with ma basics again)

time pass

2005-02-17T21:23:00.000-08:00

A gush of blood to the brains !!
resurrected by this pain!!
unplug my veins and fill the drains!
F***in what on earth drives me ....insane!
come what may u cant refrain
cause i have been soaked in blood rain!.

arm sling!!

2005-02-09T09:11:00.000-08:00

Aaaahhh!! yeah!! an interesting one for me ... dates back to feb 5th ..... quite sometime ago ...... viz a few days ago i wake up to a saturday on 5th feb 05 ... lazy sat morning ... tring tring !! there the phone rang .
"hello!!yeah priyanka .... so wassup ?? "
P says "......."
" wat??? u mean today evenin ??? "
(Notes to Self:ohhhh no ma sat evenin went for a toss )
" cya at 6 man "

At the stroke of 6 o'clock i m at taj west end .... it was IEEE annual general body meeting .. man it was so borin ... so as usual fiddlin with ma cell ...n passin sidey comments .... he he he he ..... tick tock !! at 9 o'clock they wind up.... ahhhhhh!!! man at last .. when i got out of there after supper it was 9:30 ...... from there was headin down to webs all alone ..like a dumb fuck took the residency road .... i m such a fool!! all geared up with ma helmet i was rippin on that road . guess??? wat?? happened?? thud!! bang !!! a block of stone hit ma helmet ... ma helmets visor broke into 2 pieces n ma helment got hurt . the same stone hit ma right shoulder ..... all i know is for a min i have been ridin the bike with the helmet coverin ma face fully when i started losin balance ..i realize that something had happened ... ma right shoulder burnin n kinda swollen up . as soon as the incident occured i traced ma path home instead of webs . The very next day went for a xray ... all is well except that i have a torn ligament on ma right shoulder. so i m with a SLING ....the painkillers r next to tranquilizers !! damn!! coz of this ma plans of goin to kodai with pals got lumped ... cant get out of home for another 2 weeks .......HOUSE ARREST !! cant ride ma ducati for 2 weeks .... damn !! i have been chained literally ..... if it wasnt for the helmet i wud have been dancin in hell. guess tatz a long one with only ma left hand doing the chore . tatz all folks!!

"Fictitious fawn"

The true self?

Sense & Sarcasm

One+One = Two

Nevermore

Hatred multiplies

Down where i was

Big empty

Quivers run down my spine

Claustrophobic

Thoughts wheel punctured

Day in the life of utter embarassment

Liquidy day!!:)

:)

Right now

Just the day

Life is strange

Anxiousness

Dreams

White wash

Nostalgia takes over me

Life, just as is.

Confusion overpowers

What was meant to be?

Fucking-frustrated

Bleh

WYSIWYG

Vixen,Where art thou?

Music.

Confusion Prevails!

Patience for a dime

Vengeance

Unexpected joy!

Gestures

Lazy-active duo!

My dose of Caffeine

Silence

Afar..

Hugger-Mugger!

Reclusiveness

*Strange Feelings*

Blissful Day?

Cravings

Anti-Anger pill ?

Ounces of trail

Dearth Of Inspiration

Blurts

Graffiti

Coercive & bland!

Conflated feelings!

A punctuation mark eh?

Bare thoughts

MomEnts.

Jar of thoughts.

Stupid,dumb,iritated,bored........

rejoicing!!

*sigh of relief

second paper

Spilled cerebration

Go to sleep

Bitch!

Shattered plans:-(

The Perfect Drug

Memento!!

groggy sunday.

yet,another one.

ChArm

"ME"

sunday jam!

another one?

yeah?

pyjama party

mass suicidal bird brains

yeah?

sob sob :((

longest wait!

digital::life

untitled

sulabh!!:-)

jAdE gArDeNs

Strange Feelings